I have been told that quitting is only for the weak, “A quitter never wins, and a winner never quits.” That was when I was in training for the NOQC (Naval Officer Qualification Course – to become a CAT-1 Officer) in high school. Quitting was never an option for me despite heavy training (physical and emotional) since I’ve really wanted to be an officer back then. My never-say-die-attitude paid off because I became the 4th Battalion Commander and one of the trainers for the next batch of CAT-1 Officers.
Apparently, there are many reasons why someone becomes a quitter. It doesn’t mean that you are weak, but you are just that strong enough to let go of what you have. You quit because you can’t do it anymore. You quit because it is bad for your health. You quit because someone very important to you have told you to do so. You quit because it’s necessary. You quit because you think it is the right thing to do. You quit because you wanted to start on a new path. You quit because you just have had enough of it.
In the real world, outside the comforts of my home and my schools, I’ve learned how to be tolerant with difficult people around me especially in my workplace. I tried not to talk back and just agreed politely to avoid “word wars.” Some had even thought that I am a coward because I chose to be quiet. I guess I was just too busy earning a living for my family at that time (I dropped out of college to help out my parents – because I am the eldest among the five children) and I’ve never really thought of quitting a good job for years until I’ve decided to move on to a different path…becoming a stay-at-home mom.
As I grew older I have learned that being tolerant with other people’s attitude and character problems, immaturity and stupidity is not the way to live. And so I quit on being quiet – I’ve had enough. I started to speak up – honestly and most of the time so bluntly. Some people would understand my point, but most of them (the ones who got hurt by my honesty) didn’t. And so I am branded as “disrespectful”, “cold-hearted” and a “bitch.”
Another thing I’ve learned in life is that you can never please everyone so quit trying.
One friend described me as passionate. I am indeed very passionate. Passionate towards my family, my children, my friends, my hobbies, and my careers. Unfortunately, in my case, being passionate is a double-edged sword. According to Merriam-Webster, one meaning of passionate is “having, showing, or expressing strong emotions or beliefs.” And because of me being very passionate, I’ve seen people (yes, even my friends) get scared (and angry) because I always speak my mind. But I don’t feel sorry in doing so. Some people (yes, even my friends, too) just couldn’t take it and could never understand it. Some would also say that I am just being so judgmental. Not really my fault.
I can’t recall the first time I realized that I have this so-called gift (or a curse?) of knowing something about someone’s personality and background even if I haven’t spoken with them yet. And when I do get the chance to talk to them it will only prove my “theories” right, 99.9% of the time. Now you know why I am being called judgmental and why they get to be so cautious around me.
By now I think you already know that I am very particular in picking out friends who I allow to get very close to me. But once I get hurt, offended or undervalued by my close friends, I shy away immediately. Of course I would give second chances, because everybody deserves one, but hurt/offend/undervalue me again and I will turn my back away for good. Life is too short to be spent on letting someone offend or belittle your value over and over again.
And so I am letting go…quitting from bothering myself with their issues. Better to not know what they are up to since they don’t really like knowing and hearing what I have to say about it – good or bad. They wouldn’t want to hear nor follow my advice and warning. For them, I am just a nagging friend. And who would want that around, right? So from now on, these are the only two words that they will hear from me if ever I am again asked about my opinion whenever they talk about their issues: no comment.
This is not me being stubborn. This is me in my self-preservation state. I don’t expect any of you to understand what I am saying right now. You don’t even know the whole story behind it all, this is only the tip of the iceberg. It’s just that I have had enough. I am now moving on.
P.S. This song by Katy Perry has been an earworm for me lately. Kind of an opposite to my “no comment’ vow but I don’t care! Anyway, here’s the cute (though very difficult to immitate their ’emoji’ texting) lyrics video. ROAR!